We spent the next several hours talking. He told me about his job, he was kind of like a social worker for adults with disabilities, but he dreamed of being a professional musician.
He asked if I wanted to hear any of his music, and I thought to myself he is awfully full of himself but I didn't want to be rude so I said "yeah I would love to!"
He pulled out his computer and started playing one of the songs he had recorded. It was catchy but I remember thinking it wasn't anything special. I even remember telling my mom the next day that I wasn't crazy about his voice lol.
I don't know if it was my new found confidence or just that I felt really comfortable with him, but I opened up so much to him that night. I told him about my struggle with depression and how I was unable to finish college because of it. I told him about my learning disabilities, and the fact that I still slept with a security blanket! I fully revealed myself to him that night and I never felt like he judged me or thought less of me for all of the things I told him.
Thinking back I cant help but laugh as I remember telling him that there was no way I was going to sleep with him that night because "I wasn't that easy!" But of course once we started making out, one thing led to another!
Before I left that night he said he "didn't want to jump right into a relationship" but he wanted to continue spending time with me and seeing where things went, which I was fine with - I was just happy I found such a sweet guy who was interested in me!
****
Three weeks later.....
One morning as we laid in bed together I asked him what exactly "we were" - its not like either of us was seeing or interested in seeing anyone else.
He smiled and said "will you have brunch with me?"
I looked at him confused and asked what that meant. He laughed and said "don't you remember that episode of How I Met Your Mother?"
Apparently we had discussed it but I couldn't recall the conversation so I continued to look at him like he was crazy, but he reached over and pulled me closer to him and explained one of the characters (either Ted or Marshall - I cant remember which anymore) once said "two friends cant have brunch together....its for couples!"
Realizing he was asking me if I would be his girlfriend, i'll never forget that giddy feeling as I smiled and started kissing him.
Whenever people asked about our relationship he loved to tease me for ruining his adorable proposal - he never let me live it down.
****
My birthday is at the end of February and at the time I was working at a restaurant so my coworkers took me out for drinks after we all got off and Jason met us at the bar before taking me back to his place to spend the night.
I was a little drunk when we got to his place and I was so happy I blurted out "I love you" then realized what I had said and buried my face in the couch in embarrassment.
He came over and hugged me as I told him "I didn't want to be the first one to say it!"
He kissed me and said "I love you too and we can pretend that I said it first."
It had only been 2 months but I was truly in love with him and felt happier than I had in a long time!
****
So everyday for the past 6 years he sent me the same text "Hey! How's your day going?"
I didn't always have time to respond but I always looked forward to getting it.
I don't get that text anymore - I don't have anything to look forward to in the middle of the day. I still look for it everyday out of habit before remembering it's never going to come. He isn't thinking about me. He doesn't care how my day is going.
How do you cope with that? How do I move on when I feel so alone?
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